Don't Have to Wonder
by The Original Marisa
Summary: G1 During Desertion of the Dinobots, when Carly and Spike are presented with the title of Honorary Autobots, Carly learns that it's more than just another medal in her trophy case.


Don't Have to Wonder

by Marisa

--

Carly stood straight, keeping her chin up and shoulders back in a respectable posture. She was straining every ounce of self-control she posessed to keep from fidgeting, and even then the sole of her right shoe was squeaking softly on the Ark's worn metal floor. It was two days ago she had been to Cybertron -- _Cybertron!_ -- and, with the aid of Spike and the Dinobots, brought a much-needed metal called Cybertonium to the dying Autobots on Earth. Only hours ago had the final Autobot in need of Cybertonium received their transplant, and up until now she, Spike, Sparkplug and Chip had been getting some much-needed rest. The whole thing had been mind-blowing; even now, she was expecting to wake up and find it had all been a dream. Now, she stood before Optimus Prime, and to her right was a quiet, awe-stricken Spike. Behind her stood Sparkplug, Spike's father, and a circle of Autobots encompassed them all in a hastily-planned ceremony.

"Spike, Carly," the Prime began, holding in each hand a looped chain with a small gold amulet dangling, "we owe you our lives, and to show our appreciation..."

Carly wanted to shake her head and tell Prime he owed them nothing, that the Autobots had defended the planet so many times that she and Spike -- and _everyone_ -- had only been repaying a debt. She stayed quiet, however; if of her own will she wasn't quite sure, because she had been left quite speechless when Optimus Prime, the mighty leader of such a powerful alien race, kneeled before her and her friend.

"We would like to make you honorary Autobots," Optimus declared, gently placing the amulets around their necks. Carly felt a rush of adrenaline at the statement, catching the amulet as it fell into place around her. She gazed at it in wonder, letting the light trace its surface for a moment. It was small by Autobot standards; a thin, round pendant about the size of her hand, with a raised red Autobrand in its center. It was, in essence, just like the countless other medals and awards she had been awarded throughout her lifetime -- and yet none had ever filled her with so much pride and awe as this.

"Thanks, Optimus," she said, looking up at his optics in gratitude, "It's a real honor." She felt stupid as she said that, wishing she had something better, something more like an acceptance speech. A 'real honor', it sounded so corny, so reactive, yet it was _true_. Short as her speech was, Carly meant every word. Everything before this, from her spelling bee in first grade to her university-level, scholarship-winning Computer Science thesis back in Sophomore year, and everything in between. Already she wondered where she could put it -- in a glass case, or maybe on the wall next to various certificates? She'd worry about that later.

"And thanks, Spike," she added, turning to her friend. He was clutching his amulet with a dazed expression, lost in his thoughts. She smiled, leaning forward to try and catch his attention. "It was fun!" Without taking another moment to think, she kissed him right on the cheek. Spike jerked out of his daze, staring at her in bewilderment. Carly only smiled, locking her arm into his, finding a comfortable spot on his shoulder to lean on. Spike sputtered something in reply, but she didn't catch it.

As Optimus turned to address the Dinobots as well, Carly heard a new voice whisper behind her. "I'm proud of you," Sparkplug wrapped his arms around her and Spike's shoulders, smiling warmly as he glanced between them, "_both_ of you."

Carly's grin widened. "Thanks, Mister Witwicky." Her arm loosened around Spike's, and she glanced back over of the boy. His attention had been drawn back to the amulet and Carly wondered if he'd even noticed his father. His arm shook lightly, and as she gazed closer, Carly saw that his eyes were shimmering with what looked like the beginnings of tears. "Spike? Are you okay?"

"Huh?" Spike looked up, glancing between her and Sparkplug, then bowing his head and moving his hand to his eyes. "Yeah. I..." he slipped his arm out of Carly's grasp, and stepped back, hand still at his face. "I'm fine. I'll be right back." Without so much as an explanation, he was already darting for the door, stepping around Autobots and dodging their congratulations. He even avoided Bumblebee, she noticed as he stepped into a nearby hall.

Carly turned back to Sparkplug. "I'll go see what's wrong," she promised, dashing after Spike's trail. As she turned into the hallway she caught sight of the boy at a full run, just making his way around a junction near the end of the hall. She followed suit, skidding to a halt as she caught sight of him curled up on the floor, against the wall. He was clutching the amulet to his chest and shaking with quiet sobs, tears rolling down his cheeks. Gently, she kneeled down and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Spike?"

The boy went rigid, looking at her, then turning away. "I didn't want them to see me like this."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he muttered, wiping his eyes on his hand, "nothing's wrong." He held up the amulet, inspecting it again, a light smile crossing his lips.

"I'm your friend, Spike," Carly sat down beside him, reaching over to rub his back. "If something's got you down, you can always come to me." Spike may have been a bit meek, but he wasn't a crybaby. _Something_ was bugging him. She hugged him close, letting him lean on her shoulder and stroking his back to calm him down. They stayed like that for a while, in silence, until Spike finally spoke.

"One time, when I was little, dad took me to a park." He said it quietly, sighing. "I saw a bunch of people there, gathered around a few picnic tables, and I asked one of the kids what was happening. He said it was a family reunion, that his brothers, his parents, their brothers, aunts, uncles and the like were all there." Spike sat up, hand still idly fondling the medal. "The whole idea of it threw me for a loop. For as long as I can remember, it's just been me and dad. It never occurred to me that a family could be so _big._" He was shaking again, and the tears were beginning to form once more. "For years after that, I always wondered what it would be like to be that kid. To have a huge family, to know that I'd always have somewhere to go if my dad..."

He didn't look like he could finish that sentence, and Carly wasn't about to let him try. She wrapped him tightly in her arms. "Oh, Spike..." All her life, she'd been surrounded -- and smothered -- by her relatives. What would it be like to just have Sparkplug, knowing that one day he wouldn't be here? "Spike, I..."

Spike shook his head, putting his hand lightly to her mouth. "I don't have to wonder anymore," he said with a smile.

Carly stared at him, dumbfounded... but as he adjusted the medal around his neck, she understood.

"Come on," Spike stood up and offered his hand to her, "they're waiting for us."

As they strolled back into the Ark's main bridge, Carly made another thought as to where she'd put the medal. There was a spot on her wall near various family photos -- the medal would look great hanging near them.


End file.
